I originally started this blog to share some tasty recipes, my VERY amateur photography and some other little tidbits. I decided early on not to include any topics that would be too personal or that would be seen as “politically incorrect”. I don’t like to ruffle anyone’s feathers and I believe in different strokes for different folks. But there is a more personal matter that has got my gears grinding and I feel like sharing my opinion with you guys.
So here goes, most of us who have reached adulthood and are in a romantic relationship have heard this question before “so when are you having kids?”. This summer I will be getting married and turning 30, so you can imagine I have heard this question many, many, many times. And of course, being the woman the question is mostly directed towards me, since society expects me to get married, get pregnant and have children. Little girls grow up dreaming of the day when they become proud mommies and get to take care of their sweet little angels with cute little toes and adorable button noses.
See, I was never really that little girl. I have actually known from a young age that I don’t want children. There, I said it. I’m a almost 30 year old woman, in a committed and stable relationship, who is getting married, and I (we) do not want to have children. To my close friends and family this revelation will not come as a shock, it’s not something that I’ve kept hidden from them. But when I do have this conversation with strangers or acquaintances, it’s actually quite uncomfortable. Not only because its not usually a subject you would discuss with strangers, but mostly for the simple fact that most of these people can not seem to understand its MY choice.
As a child I was the youngest in the family for a long time. I was not used to being around young children and babies, and for some reason they always seemed to be crying when I was around them. I came to the conclusion that my combination of dorky glasses and mouth full of shiny metal braces scared them. As I grew older and began babysitting I thought my relationship with babies would get better, but no, they still terrified me. I would only look after children who were old enough to talk and poop in a toilet on their own. When I entered my early adulthood, I felt a little more comfortable with babies and actually enjoyed being around children. I realized that they are the most honest people on the planet and have lots of interesting things to say if you give them a chance and listen. But I still did not have the urge or the need to have any children of my own. In my mid twenties I met and fell in love with my husband to be! I thought, maybe now that I am in a loving, stable relationship I will finally come around to this hole baby thing. Quickly enough my fiancé and I figured out that we BOTH did not really want kids. I was actually relieved when this matter was discussed, I couldn’t imagine how things would of went if he told me he wanted lots of children, like 5! And that’s when I realized I REALLY didn’t want children, because no matter the circumstances my mind seemed to be made up.
I’ve gathered numerous reasons over the years as to why we don’t want children. First, my fiancé works outside of town most of the week, which means I would be on my own for a large part of the time. I know LOTS of families have this arrangement, but it’s not something we are prepared to do. Second, I am actually terrified of being pregnant. I know, this sounds crazy… I’ve heard many women say that they felt great while being pregnant, in fact it was the best they ever felt! Of course I can not know this for sure, but I’m convinced I will be one of those unlucky pregnant ladies who will be plagued with morning sickness, several ailments that I will not be able to remedy and I will be bed ridden by month 7. And don’t get me started on the whole LABOR thing… I know they have epidurals now, but just the idea of pushing something the size of a watermelon out of my hoohaa is mind blowing… I know, it’s only a few months of pain for a life time of love. I’ve heard this several times. Of course there are the super selfish reasons, like the simple fact that I love my free time, sleeping in and my small left over spending money once all the bills are payed.
Which brings me (finally) to my rant, people who think I’m an ogre for not wanting to procreate. The most popular reactions are that:
– I will change my mind
– having children will change my life for the best
– I would make a great mom
– don’t I want someone to take care of me when I am old
– a child’s love is the most powerful and unconditional love I will ever experience
All of these are valid responses, but some people are not very good at hiding their facial expressions when they hear my response. Also they seem to forget that deciding to bring a child into the world is a HUGE decision. It’s not something you decide to do because it looks like fun, or because everyone else is doing it, or because its what others and society think you should do. I chose to take this decision very seriously because I know that it’s a life changing one for myself, the little person I decide to bring into this world and every other important person in my life. I have little doubt in my mind that my fiancé and I would make great parents, in fact I can see myself being an over protective mother (the embarrassing kind). You should see the way I act with my two dogs, it’s pretty sad. My fiancé and I have stable jobs, a house to call home and enough funds to give a child everything it needs. But we still chose not to have children, and I think people see it as a selfish decision because we COULD but WON’T. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had the baby conversation with people who are very understanding and don’t feel the need to judge me or feel that they need to change my mind. Some of these people have children of their own, but still respect my decision and tell me it’s ok, it’s ok to NOT want to have children.
There is a very small part of me that keeps thinking I might really be missing out on a very important part of my life, I have a great relationship with my parents. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them (obviously), but they also wanted to have children and took a lot of thought and time before they brought myself and my brother into this world. And that little voice in the back of my head that speaks up once in a while is usually silenced very quickly when I hear the sounds of a screaming baby.
Luckily over the last few years I have met other people, friends and couples who have come to the same decision that we have. It’s nice to know that there are others out there who feel the same way we do and have encountered some baby enthusiasts of their own. I’ve also read a few posts recently about this very subject, and they are the reason why I decided to make one of my own. I have in no way written this to offend or anger anyone. This is simply my lighter way of talking about a touchy subject that seems to be popping into my life more and more frequently. I have a great amount of respect for parents, it truly is the most difficult job out there, it takes an insane amount patience. And I have a little 5 year old niece who is adorable and smart and makes me smile every time I see her. I’m not a heartless person who is incapable of loving another human being, and I don’t see myself as a overly selfish person. I try to be generous, patient and understanding with others, because everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle. I just seem to prefer the company of my dogs and a select group of people. Lets face it, dogs are way better than people, but that’s for another post.
Now for the recipe, I thought since I brought up a touchy subject I would smooth things over with chocolate chip cookies. Everyone loves warm, gooey and chewy chocolate chips cookies, they’re like cute little babies (wink, wink), you can’t resist them! The trick to this recipe is the cornstarch, it sounds odd, but it really makes the cookies soft and chewy. So if you like crunchy chocolate chip cookies this is not the recipe for you.
3/4 c. unsalted butter, softened
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. granulated sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 c. all purpose flour
2 tsp. cornstarch
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 c. bittersweet chocolate chips
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. In a large bowl cream together butter and sugars until fluffy and light in color. Add egg and vanilla and blend in.
3. Mix in flour, cornstarch, baking soda and salt. Stir in chocolate chips.
4. Using a cookie scoop or tablespoon, drop dough onto a prepared baking sheet (I like to use parchment paper). Bake for 8-10 minutes, until barely golden brown around the edges. (The tops will not brown, but do NOT cook longer than ten minutes.)
5. Let cool, on the sheet, on a wire rack for five minutes. Remove from baking sheet and let cool completely if you can before eating a bunch with a tall glass of cold milk.
Once again this is a recipe I found on Pinterest so here is the link to the original recipe: http://kelseysappleaday.blogspot.ca/2011/08/best-ever-chewy-chocolate-chip-cookies.html?m=1
I promise you will never want to eat store bought cookies again and you will discard all other chocolate chip cookie recipes after you try this one.